It was a fitful sleep
I tossed and turned
Whimpered and yearned
For the moment I would wake
Because,
Yesterday I dreamed
I dreamed of you
I dreamed of me
We had made plans
Wanted a family
Yesterday you died
I am kneeling upon the freshly packed earth
Staring at the spot that will soon bear your marker
A tear makes its trail from the corner of my eye,
Down my nose and now, hangs precariously off the tip
It drops to the ground and...
Finally it hits me
YOU’RE down there
There’s no air
You can’t breathe!!!
My fingers scrabble at the earth
Frantically
Hot liquid streams down my face as I call to you
My nails break but I feel nothing
I ignore the blood from the pads of my fingers
I must get to you!
My heart is hammering,
Loud in my ears
And now the soil is moist with my tears
Hands grab onto mine in an attempt to still them
A voice
Insistent in my ear
And yet I do not understand
They’re wrong
You’re not gone
You can’t be gone
The hands move up to my forearms,
Lifting me up
Pulling me away
“No!! He’s down there!!!”
My screams mingle with my words
My breath is laboured
My chest bursting with fear
(Fear of a life without you)
“He can’t breathe! Let him out!”
I feel myself being pulled down to the ground
(A life without your touch)
Arms wrap around me as I plead
(A life without your smell)
“You can’t leave him down there,"
(A life without your voice)
“He’s gonna die!!!”
The hands hold me tighter
The lack of response
The utter silence
The look in my companion’s eyes as I search them pleadingly...
My struggles cease
As,I finally realise
Yesterday you died...
And I died with you.
~Daixy~
I found this when looking through my old stuff. All I can say is WTF?!! It's so dark, so painful and yet I'm so proud of it. It still feels unfinished even after tweaking it so many times. Ah well, no work is ever truly complete methinks. Always room for improvement
Sad, painful and powerful. Always difficult to to believe they're actually gone.
ReplyDeleteThanks JuaNita. I have to admit that when I wrote thi, I had no blinking idea what loss was. I thought I did, obviously....but it wasn't until events in the following months that I KNEW. Fortunately I've not seen anything like my character has and can honestly say that I'm alive to fight another day. That's the whole point isn't it? To survive when those around you, when those you love are gone? Someone's gotta stick around to keep their memory going :)
ReplyDeleteExcellent piece Daixy..
ReplyDeleteAaaaw thanks Abena. Glad you could take the time to drop by
ReplyDeleteDaixy, I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to come here. I follow your blog, but have not read it often enough. That has changed now.
ReplyDeleteAbout "Yesterday", what's most possessing about it is how you masterfully convey the frantic urgency of the Persona's fear and how the Persona escapes reality by transferring their fear of being alone into a fear that the departed is still alive, afraid, helpless and trapped in an airless chamber/prison. If it does not feel complete, please leave it alone. It conveys enough life and nature as it is.
Welcome to my space Nana.
ReplyDeleteI'm quite speechless but THANK YOU for the oh so kind review. I'm trying to get my head back to its normal size now.
I'll be a good girl and stop touching it lol. And I'll do my best to write something bigger and better even :)